The rub of journaling

   This year I have been trying to get myself into journaling more. However I am neither the most entertaining, nor imaginative person when it comes to journaling topics. As such I found and printed off this “helper” from the Paper Coterie web site. 

  

   The idea is super cute and solves the age old issue of writers block. Basically there are 52 questions that you randomly pull out of a jar, or in my case a make shift envelope I engineered from left over Christmas wrapping paper that I glued to the back cover of a journal I purchased for $0.52 (Creative? Not much. Cheep? You bet!). The questions range from simple inquiries, quite silly queries, and a couple a hard hitting doozies (yes, I said doozy).

   

   The question posed last week was not, I believe, intended to be as perplexing as I made it out to be. It was something to the effect of “What is something you regret not learning?” Again, not that perplexing, right? I could have answered simply with “the harp,” “cooking skills,” or “the ever elusive game of “water polo.” But no, I of course cannot make it simple.

   

   After some introspection I decided that the something I regretted not learning while I was young would be the skills of foresight and adaptation…Why you say? Well I’ll tell you.

   I have never been really apt, or even, dare I say, fond of change. The unknown and unfamiliar has always clenched my heart like a raccoon upon finding something shinny, or like that one creepy guy in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Dramatic? Maybe. But truly change and I did not play well together. 

   Imagine little Sara. A petite little thing that never had to relocate as a child, never had to change schools, not even many of her friends or family left or altered her world in many ways. 

I must clarify that she was not immune to any change.  However the changes she experienced, like entering high school or starting to drive where a part of her life, but most of these were celebrated and anticipated events that marked steps into womanhood (though I won’t go into the fears connect to becoming a woman. You can ask my mother about the tearful nights concerning projected boob development later).

   As I look back I feel like the gift of a little foresight may have not only calmed a few fears, but maybe given me a bit more courage to explore beyond “my world” sooner than I did. Maybe some of the obstacles in my life would be easier.

   However, as I re-examine the question and the projected results I find myself doing a proverbial double take.

   If had been more efficient with my foresight-ic and adaptation-al (I realize these suffixes are in no way in line with any English major’s acceptable parameters…Boo parameters.) abilities, I may not have made some of the decision that brought me to where I am.

An example; If I had the foresight to see what 3 years of a private collage would do to my later finances I probably would have looked into alternative options. 

  What if I had?...

  Aye there's the rub!

   I would not have attended a school that was base to the most wonder filled and adventurous years of my life. I would not have made the many friends who are held dear to my heart and were culprits to most of my memorable adventures. MOST terrible of all I would have not met my husband, who I owe my current happiness to.  

   I suppose it all boils down to how much fate, destiny, and providence play a role in your current beliefs.  I have begun to believe that though I may have saved myself a lot of heart ache and trouble if I had learned things a little earlier, I would not be who or where I am today. And I am happy. Change still is not my best bud by any means, but I have found him to be a tolerable and in some case an enjoyable companion.