There is a Jewish Proverb that says “God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers.”
I am no expert on motherhood, seeing as I have yet to become one (at least to a human child), but I have as of late been observing mother’s. My job offers me a rare view into the soul of motherhood. My awareness of mother’s love and of her sacrifices has extended far beyond the straightforward experience of childhood.
Motherhood brings the greatest joys and the greatest heartaches of life. As a mother you are never really alone in your thought. Mothers always think twice, once for herself and once (or more) for her child. In my opinion adoption has to be the greatest example of this. Mother’s that come in our doors often, if not always, articulate two viewpoints-that of herself, and that of her unborn child. I have found that the essence of adoption is “What will be best for my child?” After all it is not a mother’s job to speak for her voiceless child? Who would be better than a mother? I believe Mother’s are the comprehenders of the things their children (even 24 year old children) do not or cannot say.
I know that I am always saying that my job is the most difficult yet rewarding work I have ever had. It is so full of emotional ups and downs that sometimes I wonder why I am putting myself through this…then I think of what the girls I work with must be going through. I hear things like “I can be a good mom!” “My baby should know her mother!” and “I can make this work!” But those are always mixed with expressions like “My baby wouldn’t have a father.” “I would have to work all of the time and I wouldn’t be able to give my baby the time she requires.” and “financially…and/or spiritually I just can’t provide everything my baby needs.” My emotional ups and downs are diminutive compared to theirs.
When a mother places her child in the arms of a couple there is a surfeit of emotions running through her. There is happiness at the prospect of the bright future she is giving to her child. She feels joy for the couple. There is also bitterness and jealousy. But the most overwhelming is sorrow. A greater sorrow I have yet to see.
As much as some people think that adoption is a selfish act, and that these mothers “give up” their children because they didn’t want them is sadly mistaken. These women…These mothers place their children because their thoughts of themselves, their wants, and their desires have been put aside and their thoughts are solely of the wellbeing and happiness of their child. I have come to believe that the sacrifice of mothers is more akin to Godly sacrifice than any this mortal existence can allow.
As I said before my experience is limited. Adoption has been the most prevalent and commanding motherly occurrences I have seen in the last year. Please do not think that I deem the sacrifice of mothers to be the providence of adoption. I look back at the sacrifices my mother made, and still makes for her children. She desires nothing more than the wellbeing and happiness of her kids. I would not be where I am without my mother.
I am positive that I won’t fully understand motherly heartache until I am a mother myself, but I am just as positive that it is a pious and hallowed type of hurt.
All I can do is hope that I have caused more joy than heartache to my mother. I know that it kills a mother to watch her kids grow up…but then again, knowing my mother’s kids, it may have killed her quicker if they didn’t.
I love you 5 Momma
